Random...not so random....

It has come to my attention that I am incapable of being an active part in many of the projects regarding Climate Change that I would like to be. This is all due to my limited income. Yes. I am on a fixed, limited income...otherwise known as Disability. I receive this Federally-funded income due to my diagnoses, both physical, as well as emotional...BUT - I don't let it stop me from taking part in activism where I see fit. I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia last year. The first doctor I went to insisted it was Lyme disease, but I couldn't accept it - due to the fact that I had never had the onset symptoms of it, such as a tick bite with a red ring around it, and spirochetes in the bloodstream that would indefinitely diagnose me properly, as well as Flu-like symptoms, irregular heartbeat, eye inflammation, and temporary paralysis of one side of your face (Bell's palsy). Finally, I saw a specialist who diagnosed me correctly (at least to my current knowledge) with Fibro. As devastating as this news was, I was also undergoing severe symptoms of mental illness. I had already been diagnosed with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) after the attempted murder from my son's father (if you REALLY wanna know that story, I'm going to have to hear a LOT of requests for it via messages to this post, as it is an EXTREMELY difficult story to write about and re-live), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Anxiety, Depression, Panic attacks (another fun story, oh the joy!), and the most recent diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Don't get your panties in a bunch, as BPD is in no way connected or affiliated with Multiple Personality Disorder, otherwise known as Schizophrenia. BPD can most easily be explained as a a person who has an emotional volume knob which is ALWAYS turned to the HIGHEST output, whereas most people's "emotional volume knobs" are turned to just the right amount of hearing level...not too loud, nor too quiet. People without BPD have "balanced" emotional levels. People like me, living with BPD, are constantly dealing with emotions that are "turned up" to the highest degree. We have the unfortunate gift of feeling every emotion to the highest degree. When someone is hurting, we feel their pain immensely, and cannot understand how others can be immune to the pain. When a discriminatory political view is made public, we cannot separate purselves from teh immense emotion that it may be disgustingly wrong, or inarguably correct! Those who suffer (and yes, suffer is the most accurate description of the disorder) from BPD are constantly conflicted with uncontrollable emotions and feelings that are so intense...it's almost as though we will just DIE if we cannot find a fix to the problems we see as painful to any other humans. It's the same as if it were painful to an animal...or even a laboratory rat...we cannot simply detach our emotions from situations as others can so easily do. It is not only our REASON for living, our motivator and inspiration, but also our bane and anguish to our lives. We feel more pain than many, and happiness comes at the same price: as soon as we realize the repercussions of said happiness, we are filled with pure sorrow and taken over with sadness, much to our demise. It is a most debilitating disease, as we have no control over our feelings and emotions, and live basically at the will of all who have the ability to influence us with sentiment and passion. We are the weak, but we are also the ones who make differences inthe world, based on our strength of emotions... You have now been informed...do NOT take advantage of us.